Those of you who do not follow the Seattle Mariners (oh,
lucky ones!) may not know that they are having a demoralizing slump (seven
straight losses and no one on the team is playing up to his ability!).  I love baseball and I love the Mariners – so,
I am distraught, dismayed, and a little disgusted.  Like everyone else who shares my fan-aticism,
I am maddened with impatience for them to “snap out of it” and start playing
baseball again!

C’mon, guys!

And while there is plenty of speculation about what is wrong
and what they can do to fix it (most of it related to bat swings and pitching
and such, understandably), I will toss in my 2 cents:  Teach them to knit!

They need to learn to focus. 
They need to settle down and breathe. 
They need to get a little perspective. 
Knitting does all of this!  And
the small motor skills boost couldn’t hurt either.  It would give them something in common
(besides baseball) to share (without competition) and maybe help their
camaraderie.  It would give them
something productive to do on road trips and keep them from getting restless
and edgy.  And maybe if one makes a
ga-jillion dollars a year, knitting a hat for a premie baby or a scarf for a
homeless person might be good for the soul – even if one already makes
significant monetary contributions to charity.

On a psychological note (one I think that a clever manager
will appreciate), learning to knit would challenge the ballplayer to do
something kind of awkward and difficult – for a change.  Stretch out a part of the brain that doesn’t
get used all that much when you are (and have been since toddlerhood) an
outstanding and gifted athlete.  It would
be kind of humbling, too, in a good way.  
And after the struggle to master the purl stitch, hitting a 90 mph pitch
will feel great!  Familiar and graceful
and joyful!

See, I am not really crazy.

Hey, it couldn’t hurt to try.  A couple dozen sets of needles, some decent
wool, and few sessions with some good teachers. 
How much could it cost?  We figured
(based on salary and number of games pitched in a season) that the Mariner
organization paid Felix Hernandez $625,000 to give up three back-to-back
homeruns — granting the  A’s an 8-0 lead
— last night! 

Hey, I’m just saying maybe they should give knitting a try.