The likelihood of my knitting memoirs being made into a
major motion picture (at least of the Steven Spielberg variety) is pretty
small.  Not for lack of plot twists or an
engaging cast or characters, but because the most dramatic episodes are based
on arithmetic.

Last night, for instance, as I was picking-up-and-knitting
372 stitches with DK wool along an i-cord border of Dune (lovely sparkly,
slubby stuff wrapped with furry mohair), the suspense was so high that I could
practically hear drumbeats escalating and the long drawn-out note of a single
violin:

The i-cord (length-wise) measured out to 4 sts/inch.  The DK wool gauged out to 6 sts/inch.  So, in theory, by picking-up-and-knitting 6
sts of the wool over 4 sts of the Dune, I would be able to make the wool
knitting grow smoothly out of the length of Dune i-cord.  In theory. 
 I marked off the i-cord into
quarters (so I could check my progress) – with 372 stitches as my goal for the
62” i-cord (6 x 62 = 372), I would be able to see if I had attained 93 sts in
each quarter (372 ÷ 4 = 93).  (maybe
Spielberg could insert a dinosaur or something here)

I started picking-up-and-knitting and quickly discovered
that Dune fights back.  Getting that
clinging bit of DK wool through each sparkly, slubby, furry stitch was a battle
(cue the war drums and bagpipes).  I had
decided on yarn-overs for the 2 additional stitches I needed for every 4 i-cord
stitches, figuring the tiny eyelet would get lost in the Dune (maybe a highly
magnified shot of the Dune jungle here). 
When I reached the first marker, I counted stitches and – DRAT – found I
had 20 too many! 

Well, I could drop some yarn overs on the way back.  So, I re-calculated and decided to work 5 DK
wool stitches for every 4 of Dune i-cord. 

Battle, battle, battle across the next quarter of i-cord.  Reach the next marker – YES!  Count the stitches – DRAT!  Ten stitches too few.  What to do? 
Would 11 stitches over 8 work? 
Seventeen over 12?  What with
struggling to make the stitches and to keep working along the i-cord in a
straight line, I could hardly count to 4 reliably.  So, I decided to persevere with the 5 to 4
ratio, figuring I could fix it on the return row.

So, I continued on for the second half of the i-cord
(Spielberg would probably want to bring back the dinosaur here – or maybe
several – as this part is kind of slow). 
 I reached the end – HUZZAH!  And counted my stitches and, as predicted, I
had 10 too few in each of 3 quarters and 20 too many in the first quarter.  For a net difference of only 10 stitches –
not too bad over nearly 400.

BUT!  If I had left it
at that and knit merrily along with only slightly too many stitches, I would
have had everything stretched out too thin over ¾ of the piece and rather a
heavy mess over the quarter that had way more than its share of stitches!

BUT!  Disaster was averted (cue the
screaming brakes) as, purling back on the next row, I evenly increased 10
stitches in each of the 3 thin quarters and evenly dropped 20 yarn-overs in the
heavy first quarter.

Flash to the Final Count which shows 372 tidy little DK wool
stitches growing blissfully out of the lovely, sparkly, slubby, furry
i-cord.  And they all lived happily ever
after. Annnnnd: Scene.